


Foreign hands

by hatzy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Torture, probably smut, spy AU, the others will come in as the chapters come in the first chapter is just fjord caleb and beau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-24 17:11:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17104712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatzy/pseuds/hatzy
Summary: Fjord and Caleb have been living together for about two months, two months of bliss and pain for Fjord, hiding a part of himself, the spy side of himself, he wanted to share this factoid instead of the lie, he worked as a security guard slash bodyguard but admitting to his quiet nerdy boyfriend that he was not that cut fear into his heart like nothing he had ever felt, he was falling and he has fallen so hard that. Hell....Aka Spies au.





	1. Sun on the Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> title and chapter 1 title comes from this song (https://open.spotify.com/track/7fDkkwlp02iHGzKlG2gZr8?si=B6SSZNdBQiG5HHQIHkF03g) which i wrote alot of the first chapter to...  
> also I am sorry

_ Twelve months before  _

Sometimes the best stories start in dive bars, where the stench of stale alcohol burns your nose and leaves a lingering smell you hate sober, the dingy place had a few pool tables some booths but it was mostly just stools and tables and a bar. Fjord sipped his old fashioned his eyes scanned the bar patrons old habits die hard always keeping eye out for people who are looking to kill him, or for his target. But his eyes settled on a tall man with a warm red brown hair almost russet in the light of the bar, and a pair of eyes hiding behind the hair striking blue eyes that makes his heart do a slow roll not that he would have told you about that but here he is watching this man and praying that he doesn't notice Fjord looking.

Fjord went back to doing a scan when he saw his person of interest, that isn't the right word for him and he knew it but he liked the idea of him being a target he needed to seduce even if he wasn't on a job at this moment. This is a target he wouldn't mind seducing, to be frank he didn't even notice the man move until he was standing next to him.    
“My names Caleb,” he smiled pushing his floppy fringe to keep them out of his eyes. “I noticed you staring. I just thought it was fair to come over to say hello.” His- Caleb’s accent held a soft German undercurrent which shocked Fjord, he wanted to know what language was his native tongue.   
“I’m Fjord, I apologize about staring, but you are a very striking man.” Fjord returned his smile noticing Caleb only had one dimple which was honestly adorable. This man just got more handsome the more Fjord looked at him and this was, bad news bears and he knew it. 

“‘Tis fine, do you maybe want to go somewhere more private and get to know each other?” Caleb's voice suggested it was more than just  _ getting to know each other, _ and the thought of that made the half orc blush more than he wanted to admit, the thoughts of Caleb splayed out in his bed moaning from his touch burning him alive like a wildfire, his mind wondered if Caleb's chest would be flushed with arousal or if would lose his English capabilities when Fjord finds out where he likes to be tease. 

“Maybe we should do a date first.” Fjord grins, “I’m not much for a one night stand but...”

“Ja, Ja, sounds like a good idea.”  Caleb winks.

  
  


_ Present day. _

 

Fjord and Caleb have been living together for about two months, two months of bliss and pain for Fjord, hiding a part of himself, the spy side of himself, he wanted to share this factoid instead of the lie, he worked as a security guard slash bodyguard but admitting to his quiet nerdy boyfriend that he was not that cut fear into his heart like nothing he had ever felt, he was falling and he has fallen so hard that. Hell.

Even his best friend, Beau didn't even know about Caleb, or worse the Cerberus Assembly

didn't know about Caleb and that was deep against protocol, to the point he could lose his rank. But he was selfish he wanted Caleb all to himself for as long as possible, or more so he just wanted to be able to live with Caleb with as little intervention as possible.

It was nice to walk into the small rented home and see Caleb's books scattered everywhere, and Caleb curled up in a nook of the couch his hair messily tied up to keep it out of his face. Fjord loved that sight. It made him relax more than he wanted to admit

But, right now he had a minor wound to his arm, honestly it was mostly superficial, a bullet grazed his arm, his plan was to sneak off to the bathroom to clean it up. However life as always has a different plans, and as Caleb looked up to greet Fjord with a smile, his grin turned to a frown.

“Get to the bathroom now, you need to get that cleaned...” Caleb drops the book he was reading  running over to get a better look at the wound.    
“It's fine it just needs a plaster, Cay don't worry.” Fjord smiles stroking the worry line from his forehead, but complying and letting Caleb drag him to the bathroom. 

“This is to deep for just a plaster Fjord.” Caleb shakes his head with a small smile as he grabs the first aid kit from under their sink. “Sit.” His voice was comically stern as he looks over the wound  before nodding to himself. “I need to clean this, otherwise it will get infected.” Caleb pulled out a small bottle of disinfectant and a cotton swab. 

“May I?” Caleb dipped the cotton swab in the disinfectant  hovering over the wound. “This may sting…” he paused, waiting for Fjord to give him the okay with a nod.   
“How did you even get this kind of wound...” Caleb asked cleaning the wound carefully and slowly.    
Fjord gritted his teeth thinking of a lie, something anything to tell him other than he got shot, that he's a spy that he's in love with Caleb and he's probably his biggest weakness. Come on Fjord think of something, anything, anything other than  _ that. _ “I tripped and fell against a pole pretty bad..”    
“Pretty bad is putting it kind...” Caleb finishes cleaning the wound and pulls out a needle and thread. “I need to do some stitches, and this is going to look crude because you should have gone to a doctor.” Fjord nods numbly, not meeting Caleb's eyes, his emotions stirring in his stomach making him want to vomit. He, he- he loved Caleb him and his relaxed smile when cooking and his stern face when Fjord moves a book or his face lighting up when he asks about what he's reading. Gods he loved this man and it pains him every second when he doesn't tell him.    
“Do I get a kiss for my boo boo?” Fjord tries to defuse his pain.

“Don't distract me.” Caleb smiles, the dimple popping out as he taps Fjord's nose, before finishing the stitches with a tight knot, “I know it's not perfect but, it will do the job.” Caleb nods.    
“Looks perfect to me.” Fjord smiles at him, “Are you sure I can't get a kiss for my wounds?” His smile turned into a playful pout.

Caleb slowly pulls him up dragging him onto the bed. “I’m sure you promised me more when you got home...” Caleb pressed soft kisses against the corner of Fjord's mouth, his stubble tickling Fjord's mouth. 

Fjord's body reacted before his brain does, returning the kisses in soft blows before Caleb pulls him in for a longer slower kiss, one that causes Fjord to pull him into his lap pressing up against him. Caleb's tongue gently prodded for entrance into Fjord's mouth the kiss being perfect for the moment. 

When Caleb pulled away Fjord followed his mouth drunk from Caleb's kisses, Caleb grew a stupid grin kissing Fjord's nose. “Down… We shouldn't fuck tonight… even if you promised me...”   
“You are right, Cay, you always are.” Fjord cuddled into Caleb's neck. “Cuddles though?”   
“Ja, cuddles.” Caleb grins pressing another small kiss into Fjord's temple.

 

_ A week later _

Fjord stroked the small scar where Caleb's small stitches were to hold the wound together he wanted to find the words to say he was a spy but nothing really ever came out right. ‘ _ Hey Cay, I’m really an international spy not a bodyguard. _ ’ He mentally rehearsed, but that's not fair to say not like that. ‘ _ Hey Cay I know I don't talk much about my family, well my dad? Well that's not the right word but is, my father figure was a spy and I may have followed in his footsteps. Where is he now? Oh well he's dead... _ ’ Gods no he can't say that.

Fjord sighed. ‘ _ Cay, I have a few important things to say… Firstly I love you, I love you because you make me the man I want to be. The second thing, well that's harder… you see I’m an international spy, it's why sometimes I come home so late, or leave so early, it's why I can be gone for days on end. _ ’ that sounded okay in Fjord's head. 

Did it really? 

No.

But he needed to lie to himself, lie to himself that this huge secret wouldn't blow up in his face, that this secret wouldn't rip his heart out, that Caleb wouldn't leave when Fjord told him. Fjord was a logical man, he worked with simple odds, he was also somewhat of a realist and he knew keeping a secret this big this painful for him to keep away from Caleb that it will rip Caleb's heart apart knowing the man he loved. 

The man who kissed him good morning before they brushed their teeth, the man who would cuddle against him reading. The man who sings softly in German when cooking, who still cries about his mother on her birthday. 

Fjord knew he fucked up when he turned into their street he saw a house in disrepair, his house, and Beau was standing outside, why was she here?

“Hey Fjord. Nice new place you got here..” Beau looks at the broken door for a second before glancing back to Fjord.   
“Thanks, Is there anyone?” Fjord's words fall out of his mouth before he could stop himself. A small shard of ice started to form in his heart. No, this isn’t happening not now. Not fucken now.

“I've checked over the place, no one inside, or out.” Beau frowned when Fjord relaxed a little. “Then I’m going in.” Fjord rushed past Beau shouting. “Cay?” as soon as he got inside. The place was ransacked Books strewn everywhere along with paper, gods, all of Caleb's books, he loves those books. He picked up one of the books Peter pan, This one he used to read to Fjord on lazy Sundays as he played with his hair. His mother gave him this book before she died. Gods Caleb where are you? 

“Who the hell is ‘Cay’?” Beau shouts following him. 

“My boyfriend.” Fjord's words cut through Beau, she knew Fjord had been keeping secrets but nothing this big.

“A live in boyfriend. Hold up Boyfriend as in a male you are romantically involved with?” Beau grabbed Fjord's arm stopping him. 

Fjord looked at her for a long moment. “I’m Bi. And, Yes a live in boyfriend.” Fjord reached down grabbing a photo of them on their fifth month anniversary where Fjord took Caleb to Paris. 

As he grabs the photo, Fjord's eyes notice a note stabbed into the wall.    
_ ‘We have your boy toy, Come meet us at the place you two had your first date… If you don't show you will see body parts arrive, fingers first.’ _

“Shit.” Fjord swears reading the note over again. “Shit, shit shit shit Fuck   _ Shit. _ ” Fjord shouted.

Beau sighs. “The assembly is going to eat your soul because you hid this you know proto-” she's cut off by another round of swearing as she looks at the note. “Where even was your first date?”

“The docks, I borrowed a small boat for a romantic dinner...” Fjord looks away from the note to Beau his heart in his eyes tears threatening to fall. 

“Shit you are in deep.” 


	2. An echo that begs to be followed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

_Present day._

 

Breaking protocol wasn't common for Fjord he was almost a plain old stickler for the rules, but you should never tell him that. But Beau was really struggling with understanding the fact that Fjord has kept this big of a secret, a boyfriend, a partner a secret from the Cerberus Assembly. The rule about background checking partners, was protocol to keep them safe or so she thought, However if Fjord was as worried about Caleb being found out by someone, anyone, Avantica would want Caleb's head on a stick. She knew that one for sure.

“You have really shot yourself in the foot with this, fucken protocol, what protocol? Fjord.” Beau looked around their house looking for any more clues. She was really just pushing one of his buttons trying to figure out what was going on in his head at this moment, because the person she knew, didn't seem the same as the one standing in front of her.

“I know,” Fjord supplies fighting the panic that is starting to settle in.

“No you don't understand Fjord, I don't give a shit if you are gay or bi, but like this is why we release who we’re dating,” Beau pauses. “Tell me about him?”

“He's nerdy, all of these books were his, would make me laugh by being completely dead pan, I...” Fjord stopped in his words, admitting he loved Caleb to anyone who isn't caleb didn't feel right. It felt like a betrayal to him, to them as a relationship. He didn't know how to express his feelings but right now he knew Beau saw right through him and her face was full of pity.  
“You love him,” Beau spoke for him, but he gave a noncommittal shrug. “I see it, you can hide a lot of shit from me Fjord but not your feelings. You always tend to wear it on your sleeve as much as you want to hide.” Beau looked over the note.  
“Look okay? I care about him, you know I’ve struggled with that word since...” Fjord paused.

“Fjord, Avantika was not your fault, none of us knew okay.” Beau grabbed his arm in a firm grip, “Now let's get the fuck out of here so we can get your boy back okay?”

 

Arriving at port demali’s docks Fjord took a slow breath of the sea, the briney scent of the docks relaxed him more than he cared to admit. He saw a few more new faces at the cargo holds and a few old ones. The two moved carefully through the cargo holds, looking for someone, anyone, to follow.

“So who the hell did you piss off to get your Boyfriend taken?” Beau asked smirking at Fjord who gave a noncommittal shrug as a reply. Fjord pulled the gun from his hip tracing one of the guards with a careful eye. “You can't just not answer Fjord, who’d you piss off.”

“Avantika, The Plank King, among others but surely I did not piss off them this much...” Fjord heard the warning sniper shot. As the bullet hit at his feet. “Shit Beau we need cover!” He shouted before commenting. “Sniper!” Fjord immediately started looking for the sniper running back.

The two of them taking cover in one of the cargo holds a mercenary strolled over to them. “Stay down.” The deep voice chilled Fjord down to the bone and as he when to get out of the way Fjord felt a warning shot move past his shoulder. “I said, ‘stay down’ unless you want your boyfriend to be killed.”  
“Okay, okay, just don't hurt him.” Fjord put his gun on the floor. “Okay?”

Then there was a sudden bout of pain that throbbed through Fjord's head causing him to pass out. Beau was more of a fighter and she fought against the mercenaries as best she could before she was overpowered.

 

The room was humid, the kind of humid that you could cut with a knife and was its own kind of personal torture of why is it so muggy. There was a groan coming from next to him, it was Beau, but there was a small amount of panic that made him worry about Caleb where was he?

Fjord wriggled his arms only to find himself well restrained with the rope tight around his chest and arms. “Oh, look they are awake I guess we should remove their hoods shouldn't we Caleb.”

There was no way to explain the terror that stung through Fjord's heart when he heard the name only to make it so much fucken worse then Caleb was the one who pulled Fjord's hood off.

“Hey sweetheart.” Caleb smiled softly at Fjord but it doesn't meet his eyes, Fjord's eyes scanned across his face, his eyes were his give away; pain, worry, sadness, regret. And the one Fjord hated to see at this moment, fucken love. Caleb had the fucken guts to show his face, but also show fucken love, _love,_ this asshole is pulling his heart out in front of him and he's showing _love._ This man doesn't love him.

“Nice to meet you Fjord, Caleb has told me a lot about you. That you can be a bit of a pillow princess, and a touch of a screamer...” Trent Ikithon commented  leaning over to look Fjord over. Fjord's face was painted with confusion as he glanced at Beau who was fuming and glaring a hole in Caleb's head. “Caleb has told me that Beau here is your best friend, and you used to room with your old partner in crime, Molly but they were reassigned.” Fjord's brows pulled together looking at Caleb, this wasn't information that Fjord disclosed to Caleb, so how did  he know _that_.

Caleb looked so familiar yet to so different, his hair was gelled back and it was weird, seeing him so dressed up and clean cut did two things to him, one made Fjord pissed off pushing him further into wanting to kill Caleb himself and oh god he's never looked so handsome, the conflicting thoughts stirred in his head made his gut lurch at the thought, he had opened his heart to another...

Another-...

Another person and they had let him down again, maybe he wasn't supposed to be happy, maybe he deserves this. Maybe this is his path of doubting everyone he cares about maybe he deserves everything he gets, maybe he doesn't. Fjord's head was swimming in a downward spiral of thoughts he couldn't process fully as they came up but he knew the longer Trent babbled on about the relationship Caleb and he have? No that's not the right word, had? Gods that hurts.

 _Remember what Vandrin said before he died. If it hurts it mattered to you, and that's good it means you haven't lost touch with your emotions._ But what if right now he wanted to lose touch with his emotions because nothing would be better than this slowly cascading pain from his heart thinking about Caleb and him.

Thinking about those small moments. The ones where they would cuddle in bed, the ones where Caleb would read to him and play with his hair, the ones that now tore him apart piece by piece, and he felt raw and ripped open, fragmented and frayed at the edges trying to gather whatever he can to keep from coming loose.

“Speechless Fjord?” Caleb asked in a cocky voice he was almost mimicking Ikithons tone and it made Fjord want to vomit.

“Cay...” Fjord whispered, his voice raw with his pain as he glanced at Beau for a second he saw her face drop to a look of pity before it hardened back up to rage.

“Don’t talk to him. You don’t have the fucken right.” Beau growled wriggling in her holds.

“Is that so Beau, what makes you think that?” Ikithon lent over Beaus chair, keeping enough space so she can't hurt him. The tactical asshole.

“Because he hurt Fjord, he doesn’t have the right to even look at him like that anymore.” Beau spat in his face.

Ikithon stood back up to his height wiping the spit from his face. “Well in that case you little bitch I guess we will have to torture the information we want out of you.” Trents hand smacked across Beaus face with a sickening slap. And all Fjord could think was, this was his fault, this was his fault Beau was getting hurt and he didn't know how to get out of this, for Beau’s sake. “Caleb get the electro-shock therapy machine. I need to have some fun...”

“Yes sir.” Caleb nodded pulling over the awkward shaped machine his heart heavy, but the job was more important than his heart. So he started setting up the machine and hooking up the machine to Fjord's face. Each small planter was placed on a spot Caleb liked to kiss, the temple, when Fjord was stressed he would tell him to settle with a small kiss there.

 

_Six months earlier_

 

Fjord was watching the sunset under a umbrella and a beach towel Caleb was curled up against him looking contempt with just cuddling him. Fjord was happy as he played with Caleb's hair humming to himself.

“Hey… Would you be mad at me if I kept a big part of my life from you because I was trying to protect you.” Caleb looked out to the sunset his eyes looking almost somber.

“It depends on how big the lie was, and if it meant hurting people.” Fjord kissed Caleb's hair gently, his own guilt laying heavy on his heart in that moment. Fjord knew he should tell Caleb but he couldn't bring himself to say those words.

“That's fair, I love you Fjord don’t ever let anyone think otherwise.” Caleb cuddled up into his neck pressing a small kiss into his chin. “Promise me this.”

“I care about you, and I promise I won't let anyone get between us.” Fjord smiled at Caleb.

 

_Present day_

 

“So are you ready?” Ikithon asked. “The Revelry doesn't like waiting, Caleb.” His voice sent chills down Fjord's spine.

“Well I had an idea sir.” Caleb paused waiting for the gesture to continue. “Why don't I torture Fjord, because he's likely to cave faster under me than you.”

Fjord glanced to Beau in shock and fear his heart racing into overdrive at the thought of Caleb being the one to cause him physical pain. This is a terrible idea…

“Well that sounds like a double whammy I like it.” Ikithon smirked enjoying Fjord's fear. “So your dear Cay, will turn off the circuitry if you start talking about the Cerberus Assembly.”

Fjord felt the first jolt of pain and then the sudden stiffening of his muscles he tried to keep it internal but the small groan of pain left his mouth, then the pain subsided. “Speak Fjord.”

“No.” Fjord gritted out as another shock entered his system harsher this time he could feel his skin burning slowly god it makes him want to vomit.   
“Why don't you let me try Sir?” Caleb's blue eyes begged, knowing how to prod at Fjord's pain.

Trent slowly nods. “We can try this, I think it will be an amusing watch.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Jeb bush voice) Please kudos and comment  
> it makes me cry  
> -hatz


	3. Far from misfortuned destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you oaky for beta reading this garbage you are a angel,

Caleb would be turned on by this situation if it wasn't for the fact Fjord was tied up for torture not tease, but Caleb couldn't think about this right now, he needed to get Fjord to speak, Leaning on his shoulders gently Caleb pressed two soft kisses against his neck. 

“You should talk Fjord...” Caleb hated himself right now draping himself over Fjord like he used to while trailing a knife across pulse points, pretending he didn't love Fjord now. It fucked with his heart to feel Fjord's heart flutter under his lips where he kisses a place he used to bite and kiss in the throws of passion, and Fjord hated himself for letting Caleb still affect him like this even if it was the worst kind of thing. The want to lean into the familiar comforting touch that lingered in his head, Leaving Fjord with some of the last happy moments of Caleb and the stuttering of his heart.

“Fine I will talk.” Fjord gritted out hanging his head low, his gut churning as he feels like a new kind of failure, Avantika left one kind, this was a new level because he couldn't word his way out of this one Caleb had struck him in a blow that left him shattered and raw, the only thing to stop him from hemorrhaging into nothing is to just talk. Fjord was good at that, talking his way out of everything, anything. He did it pretty well but he was about to learn someone else did it better. 

The words that flew out of his mouth were lies, but it was something to cauterize the wound that was hemorrhaging. Babble, let the pain out, let the hurt through, express something,  _ anything, _ push away the pain, avoid the Caleb in the room who was standing behind him. Fjord could feel that knowing call to look at Caleb and he couldn't do it. Looking at Caleb meant addressing the fact that he loves this man a man who tortured him who hurt him, lead him on brought him into this situation under the guise of him being in pain. 

  
  


_ Several weeks earlier. _

 

The room was still Fjord had a sleeping Caleb on his chest he could never help himself by playing with Caleb's hair gently, it was always feather soft in his fingertips, it always reminded him that there was worlds of information in Caleb's head. He pressed a small kiss into the soft locks whispering to a sleeping Caleb. 

“I love you, and one day I will say that back, but not yet..” Fjord whispers into Caleb's hair which made him cuddle in closer as if having his arms wrapped around Fjord would keep him from leaving him in the night. “You make me the man I wish I could be..” Fjord sat up slowly watching Caleb cuddle into the pillow Fjord was laying on. He ran his fingers through Caleb's hair softly. “God I’m sorry for lying to you… It kills me...” 

Fjord gets up walking out of the too still room his hands running through his hair feeling the rough split ends of his hair. He can't keep this up not for much longer, his head is gonna go under if he keeps this up. But the pain of thinking Caleb may leave if he admits what he is holds him back from everything. He's going to burst some time soon and there's going to be no knowing where the floods with end. 

As soon as Fjord closes the door behind him Caleb sits up with a heavy sigh, sat up letting the sheets pool around his lap. “Stop...” Caleb whispered to himself. “Stop trying to think about that,  _ stop. _ ” Caleb's voice was rough with deep pain knowing he was to blame for this and he would take that brunt of pain again if it meant he got to meet the Fjord he knew today. 

 

_ Present day. _

“Caleb.” Trent Ikathons voice pulls Caleb out of the ghost of a memory, “Watch these two. Make sure Lover boy doesn't get out of our grasp, I know people who would pay well for him.”  His voice chilled Caleb's bones as he nodded watching Beaus face contort into more hate. 

Caleb felt his stomach drop more and more, with every step Trent took. “Caleb, make sure the lady doesn't get away either, she would also sell well to my buyer.” Trent closed the door behind him leaving him alone with Beau and Fjord.

The three were left in this awkward silence, a sickening one as Caleb looked at Fjord with sad eyes and Fjord was going through trying to stop bleeding of another and there was this fucken tap that wouldn't stop dripping. 

Drip.

Drip.

Drop.

“You are a grade A prick you know.” Beaus voice cut through the silence. “And if you think for a second Fjord is going to look at you again after this you should shove your face into an unlit gas oven.”    
“Beau. Stop... ” Fjord's voice was low and even, too steady, calm. The calmness is what set Caleb on edge looking at them. 

“No. Fjord he's looking at you with fucken puppy eyes and you are telling me to stop because you...” Beau paused, she wouldn't admit Fjord loved Caleb not to him not now. “Give a shit about him? Look Fjord you deserve better than him and he knows it.” 

“Beau.” Fjord looked up at her, something about Fjord's expression must have made Beau cool down. “I… I’m sorry, you got wrapped up in this...” The tone made Caleb crave a cigarette he hasn’t smoked in years, or better yet opening that old needle wound that would make him forget this pain, like he did when he was a teenager to forget his other trauma. 

Caleb stood walking over to them slow quiet steps. “No! Don’t fucken touch him!” Beau shouted as she saw the hands move to Fjord's. “You have caused enough pain. Can’t you fucken see that.”

Caleb ignores her loosening Fjord's ties, handing him the end of the rope to get himself free. “I’m sorry  _ Schatz. _ ” Caleb's voice was rough whisper, the kind Fjord had only heard once before, when Caleb was talking about his parents. Fjord loosened his ties pulling himself free instantly starting to bind Caleb before setting Beau free. He could hear her getting antsy from the foot shuffling, but the thing that hurt Fjord is, Caleb didn't even fight the binding his hands. But he did look up to see Fjord's face contorted in pain. “I..” Caleb choked on his words.    
“Don't Cay, Don't… Nothing you say can make me hate you so just.” Fjord sighed looking at Beau. “Don't start.” Fjord goes to make fast work on Beaus binds getting her free.   
“We need to get out of here Fjord...” Beau looks at the door. 

“I’m on your side, but I’ve been gathering intel for months. I know you have no reason to believe me, so use me as a hostage… I will guide you out.” Caleb looks at Fjord, “If I betray you, you can kill me.” His eyes glance at Beau. “But let me tell you: I am on the same side as you.” 

“Oh bullshit!” Beau gives Caleb a right hook. “That's for hurting him.” Beau points at Fjord. “And the only reason why I'm not killing you is because of him.” Caleb nodded looking at Fjord who had an expression they could both describe as painful. “Now how the hell do we get out of here...”

“The roof of this place overhangs into the harbour.” Caleb supplied. “I know how to get there.” Caleb stands the binds on his hands cutting off his circulation he started making his way to a side door. “Follow me.” 

Fjord opened the door pulling Caleb's small handgun from his back holster. “Show us the way...” Fjord sounds done.   
Caleb leads him through the house to the roof where he can smell the water and see it glittering like thousand pieces of shattered glass. “We need to get out of here before.” As Caleb starts speaking he feels then hears the bullet traveling through his arm. “SHIT.” He looks at Fjord with full panic in this eyes. “I’m undercover Fjord trust me please...”

Fjord didn't know what to trust let alone who right now as he hid behind a chimney. “Beau we need to get into the water they will lose us there.”    
Beau nods. “On three?”    
“One.”   
“Two...”   
Fjord looks at Caleb as he grabs the binds. “No Fjord undo my binds… I need to-”   
“Three”    
Beau dived into the water graceful as ever while Fjord pushed Caleb in and followed him buy jumping in with him.

 

Fjord surfaces with ease looking for Beau or Caleb, nothing but waves, then Beau surfaced gasping for air.    
“Let's get to that jetty,” Beau gestured to a small abandoned jetty. “Then we can go to a safe house.”    
“Where’s Caleb?” Fjord looked at her for a moment spinning in the water to see if he can spot the dark auburn hair against the blue and he was failing.    
“Fjord don't you-” Fjord didn't head the rest of what Beau had said because he already was going under to look for Caleb in the mess of the harbour. He didn't want to admit that he knew saving Caleb was pointless but he needed to save him. If Caleb died because of him he wouldn't live through it. That's when he saw the small trail of dark red hair in the water and someone thrashing to get free from the old ship mast he was stuck on. Fjord knew he was a confident swimmer and a fast one, but he must have been moving at a mock speed when he reached Caleb grabbing his hand softly, a small attempt to calm him down as he starts pulling at the binds to keep Caleb down freeing him from the mast of the ship.

Caleb lent against him letting Fjord guide him to where they needed to go. 

“You’re an idiot...” Beau smiled softly at Fjord helping Caleb out of the water. “The car isn't too far up we can blindfold the now saved hostage.” Beau commented nodding at Fjord who kept silent looking at Caleb carefully. 

“I’m fine...” Caleb croaked coughing into his hands not making eye contact with Fjord. “You can do that.” Caleb coughed again a small amount of water coming up with the cough. 

 

The trip to the safe house was awkward with Caleb having a burlap bag over his head and the occasional cough. “We work for the same side, I don't see why I need to be blindfolded.” Caleb commented when they came to a stop.    
“You have a photographic memory Cay, I want to trust you but right now but you just tortured me for information then told me you were a double agent right now I don't even trust myself.” Fjord sighed pulling off the burlap seeing the small amount of worry etched into Caleb's face was a sucker punch to the gut. “Follow us.” Fjord grasped at Caleb's binds leading him into the small house and up stairs to a camera free and computer free room. 

 

“Fjord I lo-” Caleb starts before Fjord crowds him covering his mouth with his hand. 

“Don’t say that Caleb, I don't know if I can even believe you. You lured me into a trap, a trap that I thought was you going to be killed and it turns into you torturing me with electric shocks, and a knife and you think I want to hear you say those three words.” Fjord uncovered Caleb's mouth stepping away. “I should kill you, I should want to kill you.” He rubs his face laughing bitterly to himself. “I was going to come clean to you about who I am today, but you fucken knew that already. Gods what else do you know about me?” his voice sounds a touch shaky. “Avantika? Do you know about?” 

“Yes...” Caleb bowed his head. “I know about what she did.”    
“And you still did this” Fjord gestured his hands between them and growled. “You let this happen. Thinking I could even hear you or think to hear you say? Fuck Caleb, You have no clue.”

“I know you love me.” Caleb's voice shot ice through his veins. “Like I love you, and you are afraid to say it because of her.” His eyes meet Fjord's. 

“You never heard me say that.”

“You didn't have to! Fjord, you are not as shifty as you think you are. You brought me a copy of peter pan after you found out about my parents, you rub my shoulder when you can see me getting stressed you do so much to say it with using  _ words _ you don't think I wouldn't notice.”

“It doesn't matter now. Caleb I can't look at you right now because you have tainted every memory of us and you know it.” Fjord's voice raised with every word, seeing each word cut through Caleb at least made him feel slightly better.    
“You know that's bullshit! You saved me back there under the water, if you didn't care you wouldn't have done that!” Caleb shouted back.

“You are right I couldn't let you die! Because I, for some  _ fucked up _ reason, still love you!” Fjord clenched his fists. “I love the man who I don't even know really loves me back, because he's ripped out my heart and thrown it away.” Fjord walks to the door. “You are only alive right now Caleb because of that reason, don't forget it.” 

Beau opens the door to the room. “You two done, I’ve called Jester she will know if Caleb's undercover...” She watches Fjord walk past her fuming. “I will deal with you later….”   
She closes the door locking it. 

“Beau don't...” Fjord sounds beyond done. “Don't chew me out right now, I don't need it.” 

“You need to sort out you’re shit  Fjord.” Beau touched his shoulder softly. “Go shower and change and think.” She nods. “I’ll watch him for you...” 

“Okay..” Fjord's voice was numb “When will Jester be here?”

“About two hours.”

 

Fjord splashed cold water on his face, looking at himself in the mirror he almost didn't recognise his own eyes, he hasn’t seen himself so broken in a long. All of his thoughts clouded by Caleb and his lies and the anger that lingers with it. Fucken Caleb, the thought of him was like a balm to heal his heart but the kind that warms up to an almost burn on your skin giving you the pleasure of of pain relief but this was just a burn that couldn't stop. 

He didn't know if Caleb really loved him, he didn't even know if the Caleb he knew was the real Caleb the one who who told him about his parents, was the fucken story Caleb had told him about his parents real, it feels like every time Fjord opens up he's broken down further, maybe he shouldn't look for love, maybe it's his fault that the people he loves hurt him, maybe he should just walk away from this life from Caleb from his friends, his found family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Jeb bush voice)  
> Please comment or kudos  
> hatzy

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments make my heart glow...  
> (Jeb bush mimicry ) please comment


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